Captain Apehab is the marauding, sea-faring ape coming at you straight from the briney deep and into your hearts! With harpoon barbs to rend even the mightiest whale flesh asunder...or the mightiest of pathetic talent contestant egos, Apehab is back to pass judgement upon the lowly in order to return he and his fellows to a time when the world makes more sense. His searing comentary will have contestants begging for a keel-hauling while at the same time, leaving the audience begging for more! Along with Barry Shirley and Hollywood Ape, Apehab will bring typhoon force wrath and uberintelligent ape-ish charm to a stage where talent will flow like the blood the sperms across the deck of the Pequod.

Call him....APEHAB!!!!!!

(Captain Apehab is aware that the final tagline would actually be a reference to Ishmael and not Ahab in Melville's great novel. Don't call Apehab out on that or he'll kill you.)